


Under A Trillion Stars

by V_eliza



Series: Buddie Week 2020 [6]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Anxious Evan "Buck" Buckley, Buddie Week (9-1-1 TV), Caring Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Eddie Diaz Takes Care of Evan "Buck" Buckley, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Post-Tsunami (9-1-1), Romance, Tsunami (9-1-1 TV), Upset Evan "Buck" Buckley, Worried Eddie Diaz
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-25
Updated: 2020-09-25
Packaged: 2021-03-07 15:50:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26650153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/V_eliza/pseuds/V_eliza
Summary: Buddie Week 2020 Day Six: “Just breath, okay?” + Hurt/Comfort“Come with me, Evan,” Eddie said as he stood, extending his hand for his boyfriend to take. Buck threw Eddie his signature confused face before grabbing the hand he offered. As the two walked through the silent house, Eddie grabbed the nearest blanket throwing it across his boyfriend's shoulders. Once sure Evan was suitably wrapped up warm, the older firefighter led them outside into the night.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Series: Buddie Week 2020 [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1931581
Comments: 4
Kudos: 82





	Under A Trillion Stars

_He couldn’t move. He was lying face down on the road, fire all around him. The fire truck was overturned, crushing his leg like he was just an ant in the grass. The noise was suffocating him, but the haze in his mind left him unable to decipher where the sounds came from. He was sure he could hear voices. The voices were angry, their muffled yelling attacking his ears. It was at that moment he noticed the water. A steady stream was making its way down the street, rising rapidly as it approached him. He needed to get out from under the truck or he would drown. But no matter how hard he tried, he just couldn’t move. All of a sudden the yelling became clearer, words finally breaking through. He was right, they were angry. They were angry at him. They said he wasn’t trying hard enough to get back up, that he needed to quit waiting for someone else to come save him. They called him selfish, immature, exhausting. The worst thing they said was that they didn’t want him, they never would. They claimed he betrayed them. Why couldn't he remember what they were talking about? As the water got closer, the yelling stopped abruptly. A scream pierced through the air, assaulting every sense he had. He knew that voice. It was a child screaming. The kid was begging for help, begging him to help. Christopher! He needed to save Christopher. He desperately clawed at the ground trying to pull himself out from under the fire truck. He wasn’t fast enough. He wasn’t strong enough. He wasn’t good enough. The water hit before he could get out. Gone were Christopher’s screams, now all he could hear were the waves battering his skin. In the blink of an eye, the water changed colour. Blood red tides began to attack him, blocking his airways. He was choking, drowning. There was no way out. Just as he was about to give up fighting, one of the voices returned, fighting its way through the rippling flood._  
_Buck._  
_Buck, wake up._  
_Buck please, wake up._

* * *

Buck shot out of bed with a painful gasp. His hands desperately grasped at the sheets as his eyes adjusted to the room. Suddenly, hands were on his face, gently caressing his cheeks while wiping away the tears.  
“You’re okay, Buck. It was just a dream.”  
“Eddie” Buck cried, needing every bit of reassurance he could get.  
“I’m here, Evan. You’re okay. I need you to try and breathe with me okay? In and out.”  
For a few minutes, the pair sat in silence, breathing in time with one another. Evan's hand grasped Eddie's wrists, grounding him. Feeling the heartbeat of the man he loved was enough to calm him down. He took deep breaths in time with the beating of Eddie’s heart and soon enough the tears halted and the shaking stopped.  
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.”  
“Evan don’t apologise, please… Do you wanna tell me about it?”   
The firefighting couple snuggled down back under the duvet, Buck’s head cushioned on Eddie’s chest, and the older man’s fingers running through Evan’s hair.   
“I was under the truck again and no one was coming to help. You were there but you were all screaming at me... then the tsunami came and I could hear Chris screaming… I couldn’t save him, I'm sorry, I couldn’t save him…”  
“Hey shh, calm down. Its gonna be okay. You did save him, Evan. Just breathe, okay?”  
Eddie held Evan as he cried, desperately wishing he could take the pain away. No matter how many months passed, the events of the past year continued to haunt Buck. They’d tried everything they could to make the nightmares to stop: sleeping pills, therapy, mediation, and a weighted blanket. But nothing did the trick.   
However, Eddie had one idea left up his sleeve. He just hoped it would work.  
“Come with me, Evan,” Eddie said as he stood, extending his hand for his boyfriend to take. Buck threw Eddie his signature confused face before grabbing the hand he offered. As the two walked through the silent house, Eddie grabbed the nearest blanket throwing it across his boyfriend's shoulders. Once sure Evan was suitably wrapped up warm, the older firefighter led them outside into the night.  
He walked them into the middle of the garden before lying down on the grass, gesturing for Buck to join him. Only when they were finally settled did Eddie explain himself.  
“Ever since I was a kid I've been fascinated by the stars. They’re so strange when you think about it. The lights we see in the night sky, have already gone out. The stars we see are long gone. I’m not gonna lie when I first learnt that it really scared me. Everyone has that one thing that made them realise just how big the universe is and the stars were mine.”  
“Why are you telling me this?”  
“Because I love you and I want you to know everything about me. But also because the stars got me through tough times. Just because we can't see them doesn’t mean they aren’t there. All the lights we have on in the city make the galaxy so hard to see. Just another way us humans have ruined the beauty of this world. But if you drive far enough away from the city, the sky just lights up with these stars that are god knows how far away from us. My Abuela told me that stars are there to guide us, especially when we’re lost, and I've held on to that thought for a long time. When I was in the army, I’d look up the stars and think of Christopher. I’d tell myself that if even from far away the stars could still guide us, it wouldn't matter how far I was from my son, I could still be there for him. That’s what kept me going in the worst moments. You see, there isn’t just one star up there, there are millions. And every one of them can guide us. When I was scared of letting my son down, of being a terrible father, the stars reminded me that no one is ever truly alone. It's not just me and him. We have so many people looking out for us, helping us, guiding us. And it all led us to you. As cheesy at it sounds Evan, you are our night sky. You are always there for us. When you were injured and on the brink of death, you used every last bit of energy you had to search for Christopher. You didn’t want him to be alone, you didn’t want him to be scared, no matter what the searching did to you. When Maddie was taken by Doug you stopped at nothing to find her and bring her home. When I was trapped you wouldn’t give up on me, digging at the dirt with your bare hands just to get to me. I couldn’t see you down there but I knew you would never give up. Maddie couldn’t see you but she knew you'd look for her. Christopher couldn’t see you but he knew you would find him. Like I said, just because we can't see the stars doesn’t mean they aren’t there. Life can get in the way of us seeing things the way they are meant to be seen. Right now your brain is trying to convince you that you didn’t do enough that you aren’t safe but that's not true. The pollution from your trauma is hiding the stars. When you are in those nightmares, when you are terrified, I'm still there. Just because you can't see me at that moment doesn’t mean I am not right next to you ready to hold you when you get free. I’m here, Evan and I always will be.”  
“Promise?”  
“I promise.”


End file.
